My name is Dora (no, not the explorer). I'm a writer, and a crocheter. I'm currently trying to start my own business selling crocheted stuffed animals and dolls. I post the Avengers, Tom Hiddleston, Loki, food, cute things, and whatever else happens to catch my fancy.Things I Wrote... Ask me anything
- me yesterday night : lol who needs sleep
- me today: i do. i need sleep.
- me tonight: lol who needs sleep
one time my dad tripped over some ice and was like ‘this is JUST like the titanic’
is this the same dad that once called you dad
no, that was a different dad. i have thousands of dads that ive synthesised in my home lab in the basement. speaking of that, the three armed one just got out again god damnit
i don’t understand why people don’t instantly respond to “what would your dream superpower be” with the ability to manipulate probability.
think about it. what’s the chance someone will drop 1mil in front of me? 0%? let’s make that 100%. what’s the probability i’ll wake up tomorrow and be X gender? 100%. what’s the probability my bathtub is filled with mac and cheese? 100%.
as a casino employee I can confirm this would be terrifying as fuck
Client: I threw out that black pen, it was out of ink.
Me: What black pen?
Client: The one that was lying on your tablet.
Me: You threw out my $150 Wacom pen?
Client: I tried writing with it and it didn’t work. It must’ve been out of ink.
this almost made me cry
this is simultaenously the best and worst submission i’ve ever seen from Clients from Hell.
I feel ill
Client: Can you make the globe look flat and expanded to show all countries? We want people to know that we don’t just work with this half of the world - we work for the entire world!
Me: So you’d like a map?
Client: No. Just our logo and the globe, but a flat and expanded globe.
I was hired by a religious group to do an illustration for their printed brochure. They loved it, and I sent them an invoice. Two months later I hadn’t been paid.
I called them, and their manager said they had prayed to God about my invoice, and He told them to use the money for their cause instead.
I waited a few minutes and called him back. I told him that I had prayed to God about it, and He said they should pay me.
They sent me a check.
i love how tumblr is like personally offended by 50 shades of grey
bless this post
- Dean: So you're Chosen too, huh?
- Buffy: Yep. A bunch of old men played God a zillion years ago, and here I am.
- Dean: I know that feel.
- Buffy: Oh well. It could be worse. I kind of enjoy killing things.
- Dean: It's really good stress relief. If only we could just stick with killing monsters, right?
- Buffy: I know. One day it's "kill vampires", the next you're sacrificing yourself for your younger sibling.
- Dean: And then they bring you back from the dead!
- Buffy: You too, huh?
- Dean: Crawled my way out of a grave.
- Buffy: Sucks, doesn't it?
- Dean: And then I got back to find out that the person closest to me was doing sketchy, addicting things to become more powerful, all in the name of the greater good.
- Buffy: Let me guess, he tried to start an apocalypse?
- Dean: Not TRIED to start so much as-- wait, how'd you know?
- Buffy: Been there, done that. Man, next thing you'll tell me someone close to you lost their soul and tried to kill people you loved.
- Dean: Dude. This is eerie. Next thing you'll be telling me you have a red-headed computer-hacking lesbian unofficial sister.
- Buffy: ...um....
- Dean: .....Are you my alternate universe parallel?
- Buffy: No, the only alternate universe I've been in, they told me my life was all fiction. And not even good fiction.
- Dean: ...We should hang out.
- Buffy: Definitely.
- Dean: Decapitate some vampires.
- Buffy: Sounds good.
- Dean: Are you seeing anyone?
- Buffy: No, but I'm not over this guy in a big coat who I hated for a while and was an enemy but then came over to our side because he fell in love with me, and then later he betrayed me and it was awful, but then he really did feel bad about it and tried and make up for it and he died saving the world but then came back only he never calls me.
- Dean: .....
- Buffy: .....
Anonymous said: u take a lot of selfies. do u think ur pretty or smoething? ur not
hi there, anon. i didn’t realize i took a lot of selfies. thanks for the info. so, your question was whether i think i’m pretty. you already answered that no, i am not.
and i have to agree, anon. i don’t think i’m pretty bc i’m not.
i always have a double chin.
i constantly look like i haven’t slept in a week bc of my dark circles
and, i always look sunburnt. idfk why
i have this white line across my nose that makeup can’t cover up
i have tons of wrinkles on my forehead. like what the hell? i’m 25
also, it’s the size of fucking texas
i still don’t know how to smile in pictures bc i hate my fucking teeth
my feet are flat. my hips are huge. my boobs are weird. i am covered in stretch marks. my voice is grating. my ears stick out two miles from my head. i am always fucking sweating and i’ve been asked if i was pregnant more times than i can count.
so, you’re right. i’m not pretty. i can’t stand the way i look.
which is why it’s so fucking important that i post “a lot” of selfies. bc, anon, you’d better fucking believe that if i look in the mirror that day and don’t cringe, i’m gonna take a fucking picture to save that tiny little second. and GOD FORBID i show the world that i posses a little self love every once in a fucking while.
TO ANYONE READING THIS: DON’T EVER LET SOMEONE MAKE YOU FEEL ASHAMED FOR LIKING THE WAY YOU LOOK—EVEN IF IT’S JUST FOR A SECOND. IF YOU LOOK NICE, YOU TAKE THAT FUCKING SELFIE AND YOU SHOW IT TO THE GOD DAMN WORLD BC THEY DESERVE TO SEE THE GOD/GODDESS YOU ARE!
that beard finally coming in? go ahead, bro. take a selfie.
you finally got that piercing you’ve been wanting? not really my style, but you’re fucking rocking it. take a selfie.
your boobs look awesome in that shirt? take a selfie.
you finally lose or gain that weight you’ve been working on? take a selfie.
your eyeliner look awesome? your new sunglasses make you look like a celebrity avoiding the paparazzi? you killing that tux? you feel a tiny, rare level of self love? you always on a high level of self love? you just like your face?
TAKE A MOTHAFUCKING SELFIE!
thanks for the question, anon. this one’s for you.
i thinks shes beautiful in my opinion
This girl is my hero.
You’re adorable hush your sweet face about not being pretty!Gosh you’re pretty